When all you feel you can do is cry; Bake a pie.

Well, it’s been a minute. 

Things have been ROUGH. I won’t lie. I’ve been struggling, as a woman, as a mom, as a friend, and simply as a human being trying to walk the path set forth for me. For a while everything felt H.E.A.V.Y, and my body was screaming for help. Nights of not sleeping, panic attacks finding their way in, and I truly was feeling afraid of slipping right back to the girl that let herself sink to the bottom of her own pool just to see what it felt like to truly give up. That’s Dark. I know. But it’s real. It’s my truth. And I’m not afraid to speak up on the dark truths of mental health. Where you find yourself, and how you get there. It’s not a pretty picture. It’s a path that I wish no one had to walk, but in reality, so many of us do. Unfortunately, mental health affects us all at some point in our lives, and it’s time we talk about it on a more regular basis, don’t you think? 

So, yes, I’ve been struggling, trying to hold the weight of the pieces that stack up so high sometimes that I don’t even know how one person is supposed to carry it all. Some crosses are not mine to carry, it’s true, but I can’t let those around me fall. So, I pick them up, place them on myself, and carry them along with my own. Not exactly the smartest way to care for yourself, but as a mom, and someone that cares so deeply for others, how can I not? We all tend to do this from time to time, hoping it all doesn’t come crashing down on us. Sometimes we are able to detach ourselves from the things we carry, and sometimes they stare us right in the face, all day, like a mirror we can’t unsee. “Hi, still here, what are you going to do about me?” And it’s truly haunting at times. There are things that can be handled right away like emails and texts and calls, but there are things that are unspoken truths screaming from beneath and it can be paralyzing to even think about them. Those are the ones that cause panic attacks, mental health crises, and just total emotional chaos. I don’t know about you, but I can barely get through the day without thinking about something that just stops me in my tracks anymore. The only things that can stop a panic attack from strutting in with it is getting in my kitchen, putting on my apron (yes, an apron, get one, you’ll see what I mean), and finding any and every recipe that will take me from losing my sh*t to the country side back in the 1800’s where life was based on exactly that, just for that moment. Before you jump down my throat of how AWFUL it was for women back then, which it was, and I mean they pooed in buckets in the woods for Christ’s sake, I’m not talking about the generalized time frame. I’m just saying, the act of baking, at that time, was something truly special and thought out. It was a work of love, and care, and necessity for your family. You spent the day in the kitchen, baking breads and whatever you could find and put together. It was a purpose and just for a couple hours, I like to feel that. When that apron is on, I’m no longer Danielle, carrier of all the pieces, I am just a woman in my kitchen effing up some recipe I found on Pinterest LOL. No, seriously, my baking has gotten very good, may or may not be the apron, but with time, I have mastered the skill of baking an outstanding pie. I’m talking braided crust on the top kind of pie. It is my go-to now when I need to slow down and not think about what I need to be doing every second of every day. In my kitchen, in my apron, is my safe space. It’s a feeling I can’t describe, but if you can imagine when you jump in bed with fresh sheets and little snacky snack, it’s EXACTLY like that. The world goes away for just a little while and I am OK in that moment. Not to mention, I get to eat whatever I’m baking afterwards. It’s really a win w

in situation. So, the moral of this story is my mental health motto at the moment. “When all you can do is cry, bake a pie” Because, honestly, it’s something that not many people take the time to do. But the time and love that you learn to put into whatever you are making, somehow, in magical ways, comes back tenfold when you create something with your own two hands. And hell, it may turn out pretty good. And YOU did that. It’s a lesson we all need to learn at some point. Good things take time, slow down, and putting the work in is love. So, today, tomorrow, someday this week, take a second to think about what your safe space is. Make it your own. And, just when everything starts to feel heavy, slow down, go to your safe space, and let yourself be at peace for just a little while. Baking is a great place to start if you can’t think of a safe space. But, I will say, the apron is a MUST. 

And remember, the hardest part of doing anything, is beginning. 

So simply let yourself begin. 

It will be OK.

Don't Judge me on my edges LOL It is still a work in progress!