Write your own story

The world feels too heavy. It has felt like this for a while, but now, now it feels like we are carrying the weight of EVERYONE. If you’re an empath, like me, it truly is unbearable. The emotions are so heightened that I can feel them racing through my veins. It is like they have become me, and I am beneath the surface just trying to survive. I know. I know. Why am I allowing everything to affect me? Why am I allowing these emotions to take over? Because, I am so very sad, angry, heartbroken, confused, scared, shocked, and once I process one feeling, I am onto the next, and the next, and so on. I cannot seem to stop the cycle of going back to just a broken sadness. This shouldn’t be where we are, but here we sure are, fighting daily for what WE BELIEVE.

Let me start by saying, I am not perfect. I don’t claim to be, and I certainly do not pretend to be. And, that is truly OK. If you are human, you are probably imperfect as well. We have all said and done things that we aren’t exactly proud of.  To be human means to have experienced life. It means to have lived, and life isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. We ALL go through things. We ALL experience life; just differently. My experience is not your own, and your lived moments are not mine. Yet, we expect everyone to view life the same way. That isn’t exactly how it works. Life is FULL of differences of beliefs and opinions. But, I do feel that we all simply want to live in peace. And, not the miss America world peace that seems unreachable and only said because you simply cannot say it now. The kind of peace where you get to live in your own peace. Live your values, your morals, your own life. And, yes, there are people that just want to see the world burn because all they know is hurt, and the world is not their safe place. I truly pray for those people, because I so deeply wish everyone could see the beauty in it. I wish that I could save everyone from hurt so much that I have put myself and family in situations that I am not proud of. I so desperately want to save people that I take on the problems and emotions of almost everyone I know. How can I help? How can I not let them fall? How can I keep them on the right track? How can I make them feel happy? So much, that I drain my very being doing it. Every. Single. Time. I wish everyone could feel the passion and life that runs through me now. However, I try to protect them from what got me here. The very things that brought me back to life, nearly took my life. I don’t say that lightly. I say that with conviction and heartbreak all at the same time. Yes, I am passionate about mental health because I live it every day, but I am passionate about it because I fought the battle that almost killed me. And, I won. I am proud of that, but I am also a realist. When you stare something in the face, you get to know it pretty well. There is a big difference between knowing something exists and actually knowing it, feeling it, and facing it. When you know something exists but never encountered it, you don’t fear it as much. When you are face to face with it, you know its’ name, it’s every move, its’ entire make-up. You know how it acts, and what it can do. When you see it right before your own eyes, it changes you. Now you KNOW KNOW IT. Now you live it. I would be lying if I said that my own experiences didn’t scare the actual shit out of me. I would be lying if I said that I don’t still hold onto that bit of fear. That will live inside of me til the day I die, because I saw its’ face. I felt its’ movements. It resided in me and persisted that I STAY. I fully grasp what it will do to you. And, that right there, is enough for me to fear it still.

You see, mental health will always be a passion of mine because it is a part of my story. It is so deeply rooted in me that I simply cannot ignore what it has done to me. I simply cannot change my view on it because it has broken me, and is now piecing me back together. It has shattered my whole world, and has now shaped my whole world. It tried to take my life, and it has given me life.

But, again, I am a realist and understand that everyone has their own opinions on the mental health world. I can realize that their lived experience has nothing to do with mine, and that is theirs to judge and take what they want from it. It will not always be on the same page as mine, the same book, or even same universe as my own, but I simply cannot speak on it, because they fought a fight I know nothing about. I would be naïve to think that I know their story. Or better yet, I would be ignorant to think that I can rewrite theirs. It is theirs to decide what they learned, what they experienced, what they LIVED.

Mental health is my passion because I breathe it in day in and day out. I have my own struggles, my own battles, and my own triumphs. Just like you have your own as well. We can share stories, share ideas, and share scars, but we cannot always share the same belief. It is ours. It is our own. Do you see what I am trying to say? I cannot promise that I will hold the same learned lessons, or the same emotions, or even the same words. But, I can promise to listen, to hear your stories, to see what you took from it, to see the very things that made you, you. I can promise to be a person you can turn to, a person that will do her very best to understand, and a person who will try her very best to see you as you are. But, I cannot and will not rewrite my own story. I simply can’t. It has already been written, (no seriously, its available on Amazon!), and it has already imprinted on me, changed me, and shaped me. I am who I am because of my own story, as well as everyone else that is writing theirs.

SO, in a moment where everything seems dark and heightened, know that it is OK to keep writing your own story. It is OK to to have your own experiences, your own struggles, your own ideas, your own passions, your own hope, your own faith, your own peace, and your own beliefs. Because, YOU lived it. YOU are the writer. It is YOUR story, so keep writing it the way you want it to be written. There is nothing wrong with that. As long as you are not hurting other people, or hurting yourself, the story you are writing is worthy and deserves to be heard. You don’t have to listen to the noise. You don’t have to follow everyone. Just pick up a pen, and start writing the story that you want to live. Write your dreams, your goals, your experiences, your lessons, your hopes, and your beliefs. They are valid, because they are your own. You got to them because you lived it.

When the world is telling you that you cannot, I am here to tell you that you can. You are the curator of your own life. Create the life you want. Because in the end, all we have is our story that will be told to those that come after us. So, when I say leave your mark on the world, I mean it with every fiber in my being. Leave a mark so big that your story lives on. Leave a mark that cannot be erased.

In one of my most recent blogs, I asked you to close your window, for just a day, and focus on your own little world. I asked you to cancel out the noise and listen to your own heart. I hope that you were able to see what a difference that makes. I hope you were able to take the time for yourself and your own story. And, if you haven’t tried it yet, now is certainly a good time to begin. I am not saying to stop everything, stay home, and don’t interact with people. I am saying to tune out the emotions, the judgements, the opinions of the world, for just one day. Let all that is your own, free.

The world feels heavy, but you don’t have to carry it. Carry what is yours, and let the pieces of everyone else fall where they may. Stay rooted in your heart, know that you are worthy, and above all have faith.