SAHM; the highs and lows and how I look at it now

Being a SAHM (stay at home mom) is such a gift, but I struggled with feeling like I wasn't contributing enough to our home. It was a battle I fought for many years. There were days of feeling like I wasn’t doing enough, or days where I felt like I should be trying to bring home money somehow. Another issue I struggled with was that I never felt like I had something of “My Own.” There was no job to go to, no work friends, no schedule that I had to follow (which really was a blessing,) and nothing to say when people ask, “so, what do you do?” That question always made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Saying, “I’m a SAHM,” felt incomplete for some reason. Now, don’t come at me yet. I know that it is such a blessing, and I wouldn’t give it up right now while my kids are still young. Even knowing all of that, it was a real struggle for a long time.

I would go from hobby to hobby (partially due to my ADHD), trying to find a purpose, but nothing ever really filled that hole. I needed something profound. A range scope of deepness that I could dive into and feel alive. It was something I craved. It began to seem like I was living day in and day out repeating the same thing over and over with no spark.

Before you say, “but what about your kids?” They light up my life every day, and I love them with all of my being. I just wanted to feel like I was made for something more. I also think that subconsciously I knew that one day they would be older and wouldn’t need me as much anymore. At that point, what do I do then? I needed something that would fill my cup at the end of the day. I needed more than a hobby, I needed a meant to be moment that would shape the rest of my future. I also needed to somehow monetize that and feel like I was “contributing.”

I went from refinishing antiques, writing short stories, to making witch broom sticks, and publishing a short story about my mental health battle. It was all so fulfilling but never went much further than that. I still enjoy doing things on the side, but mostly what I enjoy the most is writing and advocating for mental health.

Said witch broom stick

refurbished antique door bench

You see, I lost myself in the mix of motherhood, undiagnosed ADHD, and undeniable depression/anxiety. I know what that saying really means. I felt it to its’ core. The being lost, feeling nothing, and no longer knowing who I even was anymore. What do I like to do? What makes me happy? It was the worst part of my life, but I survived it. I am still here and I will not take that for granted. So, I am going big. I will not fear the future anymore, because I know God has me. I know that I was meant for more because I can feel it in my bones. You know what makes me feel alive? Writing. When I write, it is like nothing in the world exists, I know who I am, and I want to be heard.

When you sit with yourself and ask yourself the question, “what do I like to do?” That brings up the memories and actions that your brain connects happiness to. Pick one of those things and run with it. If you like to design, do it. If you like to make TikTok videos, do it. If you like to cook, do it. Those things make up who you are, and they will fill your cup. There are so many opportunities nowadays to monetize what you like to do. Especially, if you don’t mind recording your day for everyone to watch and critique. Which I love to do for some reason, but it makes me happy to connect with people on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Connecting with people on social media helped me so much during my mental health battle. Just knowing I wasn’t alone, filled my cup just a little each day, and eventually it was overflowing. I know I know, I am a little embarrassed to say that social media fills my cup, but it does. I have to be careful though, because doom scrolling is a real thing, and it will take so so much time out of your day. So I’ve heard. Just kidding, yes I do it too. I have been a lot better with it, but that is another story for another day.

Being a SAHM can be hard for some moms that like to go to work, have work friends, have a different scenery for a change, and honestly just get out of the house. I totally get that. There were days that I enjoyed that when I worked, and some days I still want to do that, and when that hits me I just throw the kids in the car and grab something to eat or a coffee and just people watch from the parking lot. No seriously, I really do that. It helps. One day I did that, and I was like wow this is great. I like to try and figure out what their name is and what they do for a living, or what kind of dog they have (because why wouldn’t everyone have a dog, I mean really.) It is something to do when you are losing your damn mind in your house. Try it. Full disclosure though, it can be addictive and you will catch yourself people watching everywhere you go. I even stare people down as they are driving the other way past me. It is awkward when they notice. Hasn’t stopped me yet.

I went through a lot to get here, which I will open up about on here, but I now see that being a SAHM is the biggest blessing I could have asked for. I always saw it as a incompletion, but it is the best job you can have as a mom. I contribute in my own way. Taking care of the kids, taking care of the house, the pets, all the schedules and doctor appointments, and that plant that I said I wouldn’t kill. It is still alive. A little brown, but I’ll take it as a win. It takes a lot to be a SAHM. It isn’t all lazy days and living in your comfy clothes. Some days are like that, and that’s ok. But, when you really think about it being a SAHM is like being the Manager of the family (which makes your hubby/spouse the Assistant to the Regional Manager IYKYK,) and you take all of that on every single day babe. Some days are going to be hard, life has highs and lows. But, you are not alone. Especially, not here. Here, you have a village.

If you are a SAHM or a WFHM (work from home mom) or even a WM (working mom) and you struggle with things that are unspoken, you just found your people. Welcome to awellmom. I am so happy you are here.

My short story about my mental health battle can be found on amazon